But in many cases, bad actors are to blame-people who punish prosocial behavior and turn good feelings bad. Sometimes, it happens by accident: You get a text while shopping that your kid has failed math, then you’re impatient with the checkout clerk. Unfortunately, the virtuous cycle is easily interrupted. This is the principle of the prosocial feedback loop. If this were true (and mathematically possible), we would all constantly be helping our neighbors, getting happier, and wanting to help even more. According to one British study, 98 percent of people think of themselves as nicer than most. M ost of us consider ourselves to be good to others. The best way to avoid this negative cycle is to jump-start and reinforce the opposite kind of feedback loop: one in which kindness leads to happiness, and happiness to kindness. You react unkindly, which provokes anger and starts an argument. But at breakfast, your spouse offhandedly says something you interpret as criticism. For example, you might resolve to be better to your spouse, and start the day with the best of intentions. Usually, we behave poorly because others are not nice to us. In short, for the sake of your own well-being, there are good reasons to try to be kind.
The converse is true too: A recent review of the academic literature found that happier people act more prosocially. Research shows that being prosocial clearly raises happiness, more so than treating yourself. Some say, for example, that New Yorkers are kind but not nice (“Your tire is flat, you moron-hand me your jack”), in contrast to Californians, who are nice but not kind (“Looks like you’ve got a flat tire there-have a good day!”).ĭespite the traits’ practical differences, social scientists generally don’t separate niceness and kindness, but lump them together as “prosocial behavior.” The category includes such actions as helping others without solicitation or reward, donating to a charity, and giving someone a compliment. The former is to be good to others the latter is about being pleasant. K indness and niceness, though both excellent personal qualities, are not the same thing. Want to stay current with Arthur’s writing? Sign up to get an email every time a new column comes out.
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